Saturday 29 November 2014

Dissonance In Practise

I am so angry right now I can barely keep my finger away from the caps lock button! The culprit- shopkeeper who sold me a coke for 55Rs instead of the 50 it said on the bottle. And he tries to pass it off as something that happens everywhere... really uncle? that's not even a creative excuse, "haan aap dekhengi sab jagah aise hi hai, alag se tax lagta hai" translation- I think you are an idiot and since you lack the social skills for this confrontation I’m going to steal from you, by saying something which sounds technical but is essentially BS. 

I hate it when shopkeepers do this, MRP's are the maximum allowable price on the product according to the manufacturer and even if the amount is as small as 5Rs it is wrong and dishonest, you bucket of belched slugs (its gonna take a lot of cold water to cure that burn). I know there are shopkeepers that charge you lesser than the printed price, I feel my heart grow a size when someone does that. But if he/she doesn’t charge lesser than the MRP that’s  perfectly fine, as long as you charge exactly what is printed or legal. 

However, as I reflect on this I see how horribly unfair I’m being to the small shopkeeper. I am completely ignoring the expensive cafe's where they take a beverage that will; if you make it yourself, cost you maybe 45 bucks, also you can make a lot more of it while they charge you 250 for one cup/glass of it. Even taking into account the ambiance, service e.t.c. it’s not a specialized product, or unique in any way. So why am I biased?  Unfair, Inflated prices are unfair whether they are located in a small hut, between your colony streets or on a busy marketplace, where all the "cool kids" hang out. My anger suddenly feels misplaced.*sigh at least I kept away from the caps lock. 

 I’ve just experienced Cognitive dissonance*; because I have paid more, in a way invested more in the cafe I am overlooking the ridiculous cost and changing my attitude towards that price as fair, while 3Rs is not enough to change that attitude thus I see it as unfair. Oh, this is freaking wonderful! Not only am I socially challenged I’m also a gullible fool. 

What have I learned from this? To practice my assertiveness and to consider a little more deeply before buying cappuccino from well any coffee shop. 


*Cognitive Dissonance: refers to a situation involving conflicting attitudes, beliefs or behaviors. This produces a feeling of discomfort leading to an alteration in one of the attitudes, beliefs or behaviors to reduce the discomfort and restore balance.

Reference


http://www.simplypsychology.org/cognitive-dissonance.html

Saturday 6 September 2014

Khoj

Kuch choti si baatein
thodi si unban
ek uun ka gola khula
aur kahin kuch kho gaya

phir ek sham socha
jo bikhra hai samet loon
uljha hai jo suljha loon
goom raha hai jo uska raasta mod doon

issi khoj mai nikli thi kal
dhoondte dhoondhte thak kar beth gayi
jab mile mujhe woh khoye tukde
phaelle hue the sunsaan sheher mein

kabhi kissi kitab mein mille
kissi gaane ki dhun se aaye
toh kabhi kissi ki baaton ke boliyon se
aaye woh shor mein, ayye woh khamoshi mei

samet kar unko
dhoondh kar khech kar
badh liya hai maine
patli si shakh hai, hawa ke jhoke se bhi ab darr hai

simtein hui kone mere
nami mei doobi hue
khoj rahe the ek dusre ko
shayad mil jayenge
ya shayad jo adhoora hai kuch behtar hi ban jayega

-shievani singh (#romanhindi #hindipoetry)


Monday 23 June 2014

Circled


I am a child
left free in a carefully articulated garden of bulbs and bees
Green grass flowers beneath my back
Amid yellow marigolds and white lilies
My eyes are pillowed in golden ratios and knotted conscious wills
The sound of my carefree laugh
travels the world, echoing in silent corners. It fills 
Empty rooms, locked cupboards and boxed dreams
like a gentle sigh caressing old forgotten wounds

I am a person
Small and lost in a huge crowd
A hub of words, opinions and feelings
Preoccupied with finding something
Which is real, wonderful and mine
A pursuit of everlasting happiness
In this entangled reality
I feel an echo a whisper of a smile
A flash, a memory of colours; golden petals and emerald leaves
And a gift of a moment lived in perfect peace.
i am circled, part of a pattern
something wonderful, real, mine and unseen.

Tuesday 22 April 2014

Forgiveness

Where do I start from? I guess from Easter morning.

I had gone over to my friends place over the Good Friday weekend and she is a Christian. That introduction should be enough. Right then diving into the story- so at 4am Sunday morning, we marched to their church. The ambiance was set by the wind, the trucks, the rising sun and the chirping cawing birds, as we sang hymns and discussed breakfast plans.

Now the ceremony was mostly a blur. But then father started talking about the crucification of Christ. Jesus Christ had stones hurled at him, his followers forsake him in fear, nails were driven through his hands and feet, a crown of thorns was placed on his head and on his last breath he said 'forgive them father'. That is so powerful. I mean can you imagine that strength that love. To understand the contrast here is an example- at that moment I was making faces at the kid who shoved me aside to light his candle first (he was making them back too).

There is so much stuff we hold onto, so many little petty things I still haven’t forgiven people and even myself for. The Hindi teacher in school who threw away my months hard work because it wasn't neat enough, the kids in my school who judged and teased me for many stupid reasons (I don’t mean to sound condescending they actually were stupid reason - she speaks in an accent, doesn't wear the right clothes etc). The girl in my college who said some nasty stuff about me and my family, myself for trying to fit in too hard and for quoting from 'kyunki saas bhi kabh bahu thi' in a losing argument (Oh God why?).

I obviously haven’t experienced pain and betrayal like he did and god willing I won’t, but that's the point; all these things are so small and I carry it like a huge bundle over my shoulder. At that moment it just seemed beyond silly, even ridiculous to me. So the only thing I prayed for was that strength of forgiveness (moment of deepness). 
Let me just say it aint easy. Especially when pretentious and let’s say unenlightened (read stupid) people try to shove their opinions at you every day. But one step at a time- so right now Hindi mam it’s all cool..

ps- i don't want to hurt any religious sentiments and i don't know how accurately i quoted the sermon i may have forgotten some things so ahem ahem apply the title.




Wednesday 12 March 2014

Decibel-Ear Incompatibity

What is this obsession with noise? Everything has to be loud, loud music, loud horns, loud bikes, the #$@*ing bikes with the murdered silencer; I will throw a brick in your bikes face the next time I hear that ungodly sound (breathing heavily)… oh right the list - firecrackers, marriages with their band, dj, patake; I mean I get it, fits your happy day encouraging ecstatic-ism, but why do you want to make the ears, of your entire city bleed (very little exaggeration).

I am not even going to get into how bad all that noise is for our cognitive functioning and our emotional states (or how bad the music is). I’m just going to point out a behavior which is a result of this cacophony. The nonstop talking; you know the people that just won’t stop talking; they could give a 23 minute speech on brushing their teeth that morning. It’s as if being quite gives them a sense of failure like it scares them. Their boggart would turn into their own images with gags on, ridikulus! Asking them to be quite or softer is such a hugely offensive thing its equal to calling a girl fat. Yes this is about specific people and yes this is a rant. Which means it’s totally pointless

 Wait found a point: appreciation - it did make me feel especially moved by the sunset today- complete silence except the flutter of wings, ruffling leaves in the gentle wind and a few stray cars. The warmth of the sun on my toes and fingers, just breathing. Man that was beautiful. It is what I’m holding onto in the company of the specific people that and this cathartic ranting... ohmmmm 

Question - how is the noisy world and people who are obnoxiously loud related? Answer- well I see it as the environment affecting the individual if all you hear is noise and not a moment of pure silence I assume the unknown will scare you, right? Or I could just be seeing connections where there are none their only link being all of those things annoy me. We will never know.


Monday 10 March 2014

Tussi jaa re oo, tussi na jao.


My best friend told me she is moving permanently to the other side of the world for education and job purposes

What I felt:-

NOOOOOOO!!! Why? What’s the need? Why can’t she do whatever it is she wants to do here? Why wasn’t I informed when this plan was in the making so I could sabotage it? Why are u leaving me? Does she know how cold it is out there and there are bears in that part of the world its effing dangerous... what if there is an avalanche? *so much crying on the inside.

What was happening:-

Her- so that’s why I think it would be a great opportunity

Me-......

Her- my mother, father, and brother will all move there in august

Me- !!!!!!

Her- I’m really excited and nervous could you help me prepare

Me-..... sure .....

Her- oh thank god! I was worried about how u would respond

Me- hum hahaha (nervously laughing cause has no response)

Her- ok then we will talk later, bye.

Me- baa baa black sheep have u any wool 

Phooo that was heavy. Big world isn’t it? People migrate for various reasons job, studies, even in search of a better life. I’ve been on both sides of this spectrum I’ve been the *movee and the *wavee (the person who waves at people going away). Neither is easy both require a lot of adjusting and late night skyping to get you through it.

 The movee has to adjust to new schools, hospitals, climate, food and mostly the people; each region will have a different culture and that culture difference will mould a people who are distinct from you and similar to you in many ways. As the movee it has been a fascinating journey of exploration and learning, I even seem to have a more understanding approach to people than those persons who have lived in one place for their whole lives (personal observation no empirical data to support it). However being a wavee is much harder you can’t call that person at any time of the day there is a fixed time zone, you won’t understand the new dialect or the new references, sharing gets cut short, updates are through facebook and occasional chatting. But you do get cool stuff of the region they are in right now. Still the cons are a lot, thus my understandable distress (whahahaha – me crying)

What I felt after an hour of ice cream and yelling at tourism sites –

Well she is happy, and she would definitely and easily fit in. As would her family. She won’t be alone and the opportunity actually is amazing. So even though it is terribly hard for me it’s going to be a great thing for her. Also stuff there is pretty cheap and awesome so I would get a lot of really cool things! I could visit her there; I would have a place to stay for free (I am so cheap)!! . Yes I suppose I could get used to this idea.

*Emotions on a roller coaster- Zoom whoop AAAAA Woah woo woo!

Moral of the story- ice cream gives you perspective and balance so eat ice cream everyone.

Ps- movee and wavee new words you can try at home kids!!

 

 

Friday 31 January 2014

Confrontation



 This aspect of social interaction is hard for me. My heart just starts to pound really loud when I have to tell someone I'm angry or upset. Putting aside the many phone calls that need to be made to Dr. Phil, this is actually about a specific incident.

So what happened is that recently someone shouted at me for something and I after giving myself 5 motivational speeches and introspecting endlessly pushed myself to go tell that person that I did not appreciate their behavior. Here are some observations on what happened :-

1. Whatever you planned to say, be certain it will not be what you end up saying. You think It will go from A to B in this logical sequence. What happens however is you go from A to T then D and then she/he says something in between and you think oh right “B C” *wink wink

2. The scenario you have imagined in your head will do a 180 degree flip in the real life situation For instance I imagined a real fight; curses flying back and forth, me giving comebacks like a boss and in the end the other person realizing their mistakes and saying sorry. What happened was that the female was ready to listen I explained my issues she explained hers we exchanged sorry and the end, goodnight. Stupid civility!

3. It’s disappointing, like really disappointing, in my case I dint like the attitude and I could have said something to something blah blah. It’s like in criminal minds the serial killer keeps killing cause it’s not perfect, the way he imagined it.. Horrifying analogy but drives home the point.

4. Most surprising thing is that it’s easy; you don't need Martin Luther king to write you a speech you don't even need a knockout punch like Mike Tyson to make your point. A simple I heard you out now your turn and next time say it nicely, totally works. . assuming they aren't douche-bags, if they are why are you bothering?

Side note: Its worth mentioning that during the introspection I realized one of the reasons I’m bad at confrontation is cause I care too much about other people’s opinions and I dint need to because well why, they judge me for their own reasons not because they want to know the truth or something but mostly because they want to validate themselves so why should I worry about that?

More power to the emotionally impaired :p

In conclusion congratulations to me for emerging victorious. 


Friday 10 January 2014

No zen

Did you know that if you have missed your flight, you're not allowed to leave the terminal till someone from the airline signs you out and if they are not available well you can sit there and introspect on how you finally reached this milestone.

To clarify-I had 2 flights on the same day and because of crazy incidents with the first, I couldn't make the second.

All I have to say is that people are annoying just very annoying. This person took my bag from the baggage claim and left before realizing it wasn't theirs. In that space of one hour When i couldn't find my bag my mind was playing every cheesy sad song it could remember *jag suna suna lage, yahi ant ki shuruat hai, why this kolaveri di. A playlist i didn't know existed in my brain.

My reaction to this entire incident was- dread, panic, and anger basically no evolved actualization moments at all. This is what i was introspecting when there was no staff at the terminal to escort me out. why am i so unbalanced?

Though in the end i did get to spend 2 awesome days at my friends place with my sister, we ate junk food, watched dragon riders of berk and roamed the city meeting other friends of mine there, so it was pretty cool.

Moral of the story if you miss your flight make sure its in a city where you have a couch you can crash on and lots of amazing friends